God, Jaxon was getting on my nerves. Ever since he found that online community of environmentalists, Could You Please Use Your Mime Voice Sarcastic Mime Gift T-Shirt he talked non-stop about how humans are destroying the planet, venting his frustrations about how the powers that be aren’t doing anything to stop it, listing all the animals that are becoming endangered, and berating me for eating meat because eating animals is “evil”. The same rant every day, 24/7/365, made in a tone that made it obvious he believed he was morally and intellectually superior.
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What bothered me wasn’t that I disagreed with anything he was saying – except maybe the eating meat part. What really made my blood boil was that he did absolutely nothing to try to help the environment. My hypocrite roommate still left the lights on in the apartment,Could You Please Use Your Mime Voice Sarcastic Mime Gift T-Shirt took obscenely long showers, and did nothing to try to curb his food waste. He didn’t even donate to any organizations fighting the effects of climate change.
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He mostly just sat at his computer all day posting on Twitter about how angry climate change deniers made him, and slipping some comments along the lines of “Fuck <insert opponent of whatever green movement here>!” into our conversations at any opportunity. As I lay in my room on a quiet Sunday afternoon, Could You Please Use Your Mime Voice Sarcastic Mime Gift T-Shirt my mind wandered to the memory of yet another one of Jaxon’s rants from earlier in the day, and I got angry all over again. Then an idea struck. I drove to Lowe’s and picked up some Miracle Gro plant food from the garden section. Then I headed for a nearby park. This was gonna be hilarious.